This is a simple three stage approach to counseling. This method is used people who come to you with a concern or simply wants to talk about something. It is for the 'normal neurotics just like me and you", not for dealing with people with serious psychiatric disorders.
It avoids giving advice (a mistake in any kind of counseling). If you stick to this method, you'll be safe and probably do much good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening is the act of knowing the meaning of the text and the feelings associated with it.
Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.
Do not make statements that defines the issue or the of the other party's feelings. Instead, ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". It's not, "The issue is . . ." But instead, "You think the problem is . . ." " or "The way you see it is . . . ". At this stage it may be enough to just say "uh-huh" or nod your head.
The process ends when the person starts talking about the root of the issue. You'll know you've achieved success when you receive the agreement of the problem and the feelings behind it.
Stage Two The second stage is Exploratory listening
When the person speaking to you is comfortable, they'll move on to more in-depth discussions. This is the time to begin asking questions. Inquiring if they've felt this way before; What they have tried in similar situations, whether it worked or not; Whether there are other thoughts and emotions happening for them. You can, if you see something clearly make observations of the things you observe. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. In this case, it's better to ask questions than to make statements.
The key issue in this moment is to stay in touch with their feelings at the depth they are feeling them.
If you can't do this, let them know and don't make it appear like it. You can something like, "Sorry, I can't manage this at the moment." They'll appreciate it more than acting like it (and they'll always know whether you're just playing).
This Idaho Youth Ranch phase is finished when the issue is seen differently, a new insight is gained.
Stage Three: Trying Different Things
When they start seeing things differently they can start to do things in a different way, or at least plan to.
The temptation for anyone who arrives at you with a concern is to rush into this situation immediately. This is not a good idea. What is needed is opportunity to look into what's going on and to see it from a different perspective.
At this point, you may make suggestions of what has worked for you.
Don't get trapped into playing "Yes, but . . . ".
If they offer reasons for why your suggestions won't work, don't debate. Instead, ask them what they tried, the reason it did not work, and how they could try differently this time.
You might want to make arrangements that they can check in with you so that they monitor how they are doing with their new approach to working.
This phase is over when they try out new behaviour with you or when they've an idea of the new behavior they would like to test with other people.
This process is almost entirely about listening.
The other person always knows more about their situation than you do.
Do not give advice on what people should do. In the final stage, you might want to share your experiences in the event that you've dealt with similar issues yourself.
With some practice, you'll be able to become proficient quite quickly at this process. You might end up being one of those people who people seek advice'. If you follow this method and do not offer any advice, you will do lots of good and aid many others.